How Fights Start Over Stupid Stuff

When I woke up yesterday, I just saw Kyle leaving through the front gate to go on his morning walk. Since he was wearing his backpack, I assumed he was going to pick up some food –such as brötchen for breakfast. Because, ahem, why wouldn’t he?!


I was, um, CRUSHED when Kyle came back without bread from the bakery. This was a seriously big deal. Ruin my breakfast, ruin my day.

This already started triggering some stuff in me --that Kyle is so selfish, I have to always take care of myself, do everything myself. Can't rely on anyone!!!

[Gotta love those black-and-white, all-or-nothing, rigid, shaming thoughts…]

So, I rallied myself together well enough to go the bakery myself and get some darn breadrolls.  For myself.  Gosh darn it!!!

I had really just not wanted to leave the house all day –or even get out of my pajamas.

So, I wasn’t particularly thrilled about this situation (and it was already time for 2nd Breakfast and I hadn’t had even 1st Breakfast yet), but I comforted myself with “I’m almost home. I will eat soon. It will be just the perfect breakfast that I’m wanting.” Deep breaths.

The trams never lined up right, so I was on foot (don’t know why I didn’t think to take the bike) and it took a while to get home.  It was pretty much lunchtime by then, so

I was really hungry and still feeling put off about my Perfect Day Off not going so swell.

My breadrolls were heating up in the oven, the coffee was brewing, the day would be saved! I went to the fridge for the bread spreads –the meats, the cheeses, etc.



Turns out that Kyle had had it all for dinner while I was out the night before.

And I had JUST been next to a grocery store and could have gotten more.


That was when I snapped.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I switched off the oven, the coffee maker, and crawled into bed where I proceeded to cry like baby.

Over breakfast. Over breadrolls. Over no meat and cheese.

It was a “Chicken Little” the-sky-is-falling, reactive, default self, triggered moment.

Adult Laura is thinking “good grief” because it’s obviously Little Laura all the way who is wailing over breadrolls. Hello.

But, we let her have her cry.

Of course, I didn’t fling myself on the bed to weep before Kyle and I had a brief Dragon Dance over the whole thing.

Accusations were flying, annoyance and frustration were high, and we were NOT liking the different responsibilities that we were each trying to put on the other.

We stayed in our Dragon Dance Detente for several hours.

Then, after we had each pursued self awareness on our own, we came together to continue through the M.E.E.T. Circle together.

And in the process, we came to a big discovery: I have another big trigger point that I need to be on the look-out for.

Breadrolls for Breakfast was the precipitating event, it was the surface issue.

My reactivity was highly unwarranted… right?

But that just goes to show that:

When we have a Level 10 Reaction to a Level 2 Event, something else is afoot.

And there was.

(Continued tomorrow)


What’s your experience? Can you relate to having conflict over the seemingly smallest things imaginable? Did you figure out what was underneath the surface story?

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Laura Bennett

Laura Bennett

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